When Al and I holiday in Whitby, we always take a day trip to Scarborough which is just a hop, skip and jump away on the North East Coast.
It's another of our favourite seaside towns, but we love it for completely different reasons, which I will explain fully with pictorial appendices later.
I wanted to look a little sassy on my sunny seaside sojourn, so I slipped on this saucy satsuma top that I'd recently snapped up in the H&M sale for £10.
As there was a brisk coastal wind, I didn't dare wear it 'as is' so I sensibly layered it over a white long sleeved top. To be honest, even if there hadn't been a frisky gale I still would have layered it, because it's a little silly in design and comes under the category of 'too much' unless you are dancing salsa in 30 degree heat under the Cuban stars.
I don't mind admitting that I struggled to get into it you know. I got tangled up in the neck strap detail and the excessive amount of flounce was difficult to navigate. It was really pissing me the fuck off because here I am, a seemingly intelligent woman, yet I was stuck with one arm above my head blinded by satsuma ruffles trying to fathom the mechanics of the top.
Eventually I managed to assemble it into the correct serving suggestion, although I will be writing to the fashion industry to ask them to take a leaf out of IKEA's book and include instructions with some of their more exotic creations.
My black strides were actually full-length trousers back in the day, but I cropped them into culottes because the ends were flapping about all over the show and were a health and safety hazard. I got them in a giant trouser bundle off eBay and there were 8 pairs in it for a grand total of £6!!! The seller was getting rid of them due to weight loss and I was buying them due to weight gain, so it all worked out perfectly, if a little depressingly.
My face furniture for the day was a pair of sunny yellow specs I'd just purchased off a market stall in Whitby for £3. I was actually meant to be helping Al choose sunglasses, but then got distracted by these lemony lovelies. We did pick him some in the end but man alive, aren't men's sunglasses shit? They were all grey or black and I must thank my Mum and Dad for making me female, cos I love being a girl and having my pick of all the colours.
For my bag, I opted for one of my new favourites, this tapestry Venice bag that I got in a Todmorden chazza for £2.99. I've always wanted to go to Venice and I felt like owning this bag would bring me one step closer to my dream. Although in reality, saving that £2.99 could have bought me 0.05 of an air mile to Venice, so I'm actually further away than before I got the bag. What a tit!
The piece de resistance of my outfit is undoubtedly these ASOS pineapple espadrilles, freshly purchased from Oxfam in Richmond. Having fruit on my feet has totally changed my life and I've had so many compliments on these shoes that my ego is bigger than Beyoncé's. Even Oxfam are in awe of my fruity footwear find and have shared the fuck out of this pic on their Instagram!
So in my last post I discussed my reasons for loving Whitby in list format; today I will be revealing my love for Scarbo in photos. All of my love can be encapsulated under the heading of what Al calls 'seaside tat' shops. Scarborough has an astonishing array of these stores and our favourite thing to do is peruse their insane contents and marvel at the apparent need for such tat.
Readers, I present to you a curated selection of some of the finest tat we spotted!
If for some reason you are still reading, I'm sure you'll agree, this is pretty specTATular!
Of course, none of this comes close to the best tat we ever saw in these shops, which was a mountainous pile of pregnancy tests in 2008. Never seen them since, but would love to see them back one day.
Scarborough is boss for people watching too. This here view that I'm modelling was snapped from the balcony of The Esplanade hotel, a popular package coach trip gaff. We took afternoon drinks in the lounge and were privy to some rather hilare sights. These included couples sat drinking in silence and an elderly lady coming over all giddy when the bartender asked if she'd like to sample the wines on offer before purchase.
"Ooh, I've never been offered the chance to taste wine first!" she giggled.
She sipped three carefully before pointing at the first one.
"I'll have that one please. With lemonade"
And another observation which made me chuckle was in the Scope chazza. I was busy rummaging and hauling away when 2 skanky teenage girls came in and made for the till.
"We've got to do 30 hours community service, can we work here?" they drawled uninterestedly.
"Yes, of course!" the shop assistant replied cheerfully. "Come through to the back and the manager will interview you"
5 mins later they had the job, looked like no questions asked!
So that's what goes on in Scarborough folks and I hope you enjoyed seeing the fun and fruity ensemble I chose to observe the local sights and sounds.
Tune in next time to see me at one with nature in an outfit that perfectly matches said nature!