You may think that being a fashion blogger is simply about swanning around in cute outfits taking a couple of nice photos and Bob's your uncle. Before I became a fashion blogger, this is exactly what I thought, however the reality is somewhat different. There are all manner of obstacles to getting the 'money shot' or even to getting any shots at all. The amount of variables one has to take into consideration are somewhat endless, but for your comfort and enjoyment, I have rounded up a selection of the most annoying, hilarious and frustrating hazards one can expect on a shoot.
WEATHER IS SHIT
Living in the UK means the weather is mostly shit all year round. However, all fashion photos look better in natural light outdoors and it's simply not practical to only shoot in clement conditions. I'm a real person as well as a fashion blogger, so I have to go to work, do chores, be sick etc and you can bet your bottom dollar that the weather will be boss while I'm doing all of those things. The day I have free and that Alan has free to take the pics, will undoubtedly be the one where the heavens spew out their grey soaking monsoons and the wind will be whistling through the alleys as though the end of the world is nigh.
I think wind is the single worst weather formation for fashion shoots. People always ask my why I don't have my hair down more often in blogs and this is why. Wind is an asshole. Not only does it whip up my hair in a frenzy, it causes one's carefully chosen outfit to balloon out most unattractively, making one look about 150 stone.
In order to rescue this particular shoot I had to give up on my planned hair-do and don a hat, although there was nothing I could do about the wind making me look like I was wearing a tent.
Other people are the curse of the fashion blogger. No matter how hard you try to set your shoot up away from people, be unobtrusive and inconspicuous, they will always end up in your photos somehow. I normally need to have around 200 photos for every blog post, just to be sure I've got enough good ones without people making surprise appearances in them.
I know that streets are there for everyone to enjoy, but can they not see that you're trying to have your picture taken? Can people not take a slightly wider perambulation around your mise en scene? Can they not just fuck right off?
I can't work out if this guy likes my coat or my boots, Or if he's just wondering where my hands have gone. But whatever he's wondering, I wish he would do it somewhere else.
This location had to be scrapped in the end because there were just too many people gegging in. Plus, it started chucking it down 10 seconds after this shot was taken so I had to abort the whole shoot. As I'm not about the 6am fashion shoot life, I fear I may have to resort to Photoshop to get rid of the excess baggage.
This disgruntled face is the result of someone who had found the perfect doorway as a backdrop, cleared all the rubbish out of it, (including a single wet sock) got ready to pose and then suddenly ended up with company when it started raining. It was raining for a very long time, so they were there for a very long time. I can be very territorial over my fashion backdrops though and through stealth, bloody-minded stubbornness, plus waiting for a very long time, I got my doorway back eventually.
Photobombing is an occupational hazard of fashion blogging and although it's a bloody nuisance, I do applaud the thought and effort that's gone into upstaging or hijacking a picture. It takes some guts to just ruin someone's picture and I give kudos to these people.
Take this cheeky chappie for instance. I quite enjoyed his surprise appearance in my shoot, also it looks like his head is growing out of my shoulder which is even funnier. However, the very worst photobomber of my fashion shoots is my own dear pal Jeni.
I'm thinking of buying a lead and tying her up to a fence while I'm shooting, because this happens more often than I care to mention.
Although knowing Jeni she would probably chew through it because she is committed to appearing in my photos. I do love this pic however, my facial expression is simply remarkable. I didn't even know I could do that face.
I kind of like my expression in this one too, even though I look really weird. Anyway, as there isn't much I can do about hazardous appearances from Jeni, I've learned to accept and embrace them as part of the rich tapestry of fashion blogger life.
Taking photos with animals is a known risk factor throughout history. That's where the saying 'never work with children or animals' comes from, although I would purport that 'never work with Jeni or animals' is a more fitting meme for the modern fashion blogger.
You just never know what they're going to do next. Take Marmite the ferret for instance. One minute we were having a nice cuddle and the next she lunged at my face and tried to kiss me!! To be fair, I tried to kiss her first but I did NOT lunge, I went in slowly so as not to frighten her and she sadly did not pay me the same courtesy. I have learned from this that I probably should stop kissing animals though, I'm going to get my face clawed off one day.
I also need to learn that doing fashion shoots with Sarah's dog Henry around is a recipe for disaster (although it is a very cute recipe for disaster.) He doesn't give a shit that I'm trying to hustle my way through the blogging world, he just wants to jump on my knee and give me all the licks.
I could never be mad at Henry though, I love him far too much and besides which, my ears probably did need a wash.
YOU'VE ACTED LIKE A TIT
There is always the risk with fashion blogging that you will try and take things to the next level and just end up looking like a tit. I'm always on the hunt for new inspiration for my blogs and after trawling though the internet one day, I decided to attempt a more arty, fashion editorial approach.
As you can see from this ridiculous display of nonsense, I failed miserably in whatever I was trying to create. I had no concept of the limitations of an iphone 5 camera, or that it was 15 years since I finished my HND in Dance. I realised that it was better to stay on-brand with traditional style pics rather than risk looking like some sort of giant ghost nob.
I hope you've enjoyed this behind the scenes look at the blog and I hope you've sniggered as much as I did putting this together. See you next time for God knows what, because I haven't decided what it is yet!